Dichotomy of Discontentment

Occasionally when we are praying as a group, someone will pray that we all have a sense of being discontent.  Almost always when this happens, I immediately feel this rising up in me of opposition.  “Please don’t pray that for me!”

It feels like through much of my adult life, I have been striving for a sense of ‘contentment’.  A sense of not being dissatisfied with my circumstances.  When I quit my job to be home with Caleb, I knew it was what the Lord wanted for me, but I so missed working.   I had wrapped my identity up in my ‘career’ since I was young.  It was always my goal and aspiration to be ‘successful’.  So I began praying for a sense of contentment for the circumstances where I now found myself.

Later when I found myself home with several kids and homeschooling, I again was praying for a sense of contentment.  I never wanted to stay home and . . . homeschooling, you have got to be kidding me!!  “Lord, please help my heart.  Please help me to find contentment in the middle of this chaos!” 

And now here I am.  In this Spanish-speaking country where it feels like nothing is easy.  Nothing. 

Again, I am praying for contentment in the midst of my circumstances.  And then, last night, someone starts praying for ‘discontentment’!!  What??  No, no, no!  I don’t like this unsettled feeling.  Synonyms for discontent include – dissatisfaction, unhappiness, resentment, envy, displeasure.  Those are all bad words.  Why would I pray to feel any of those??  And to top it off, Don was the one praying!

So the dichotomy presents itself.  How do I pray for contentment in my circumstances and yet discontentment in my spiritual life? 

I found this definition for discontent on Merriam-Webster.com:  “restless aspiration for improvement”.

I like that better than the synonyms mentioned above.

I am sitting in the prayer room as Katie Shaw and Katie Ann are worshipping in Spanish.  This is a picture of the dichotomy of living here . . . and it is stirring my heart. 

 

As I pray with this ‘restless aspiration for improvement’ in my walk with the Lord, as I ask Him to take me deeper so I can know His heart, as I strive to decrease me so He can increase, my heart changes.  As I pray for discontentment, my heart becomes content . . . for this place where He has assigned me for a time such as this. 

So, I guess it is ok. 

Go ahead and pray for discontentment because only in that place of reaching for more of Him do I find contentment in my circumstances.  Only in that place of focusing on Him do I forget about how ‘hard’ things are. 

But can we call it ‘restless aspiration for improvement’ instead of ‘discontentment’? 

Too wordy?

But it makes me feel better. . .

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.   

Philippians 4:11-13