It feels like through much of my adult life, I have been striving for a
sense of ‘contentment’. A sense of not
being dissatisfied with my circumstances.
When I quit my job to be home with Caleb, I knew it was what the Lord
wanted for me, but I so missed working.
I had wrapped my identity up in my ‘career’ since I was young. It was always my goal and aspiration to be
‘successful’. So I began praying for a
sense of contentment for the circumstances where I now found myself.
Later when I found myself home with several kids and homeschooling, I
again was praying for a sense of contentment.
I never wanted to stay home and . . . homeschooling, you have got to be
kidding me!! “Lord, please help my
heart. Please help me to find
contentment in the middle of this chaos!”
And now here I am. In this
Spanish-speaking country where it feels like nothing is easy. Nothing.
Again, I am praying for contentment in the midst of my
circumstances. And then, last night, someone
starts praying for ‘discontentment’!!
What?? No, no, no! I don’t like this unsettled feeling. Synonyms for discontent include –
dissatisfaction, unhappiness, resentment, envy, displeasure. Those are all bad words. Why would I pray to feel any of those?? And to top it off, Don was the one praying!
So the dichotomy presents itself.
How do I pray for contentment in my circumstances and yet discontentment
in my spiritual life?
I found this definition for discontent on Merriam-Webster.com: “restless aspiration for improvement”.
I like that better than the synonyms mentioned above.
I am sitting in the prayer room as Katie Shaw and Katie Ann are worshipping
in Spanish. This is a picture of the
dichotomy of living here . . . and it is stirring my heart.
As I pray with this ‘restless aspiration for improvement’ in my walk
with the Lord, as I ask Him to take me deeper so I can know His heart, as I strive
to decrease me so He can increase, my heart changes. As I pray for discontentment, my heart
becomes content . . . for this place where He has assigned me for a time such
as this.
So, I guess it is ok.
Go ahead and pray for discontentment because only in that place of
reaching for more of Him do I find contentment in my circumstances. Only in that place of focusing on Him do I
forget about how ‘hard’ things are.
But can we call it ‘restless aspiration for improvement’ instead of ‘discontentment’?
But can we call it ‘restless aspiration for improvement’ instead of ‘discontentment’?
Too wordy?
But it makes me feel better. . .
I am not saying this because I am in need,
for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in
need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being
content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living
in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Philippians
4:11-13
