Happy New Year!

Ok. So. It's January. The month we move. The month God spoke to our hearts and confirmed through many as the time for us to go. 

So. . . here we are. The thought swirling in my brains is ‘I don’t know if I can do this.’ 

How is that for a confession from a person pretending to look like a ‘missionary’?

We are driving back from Kansas City where we attended an amazing conference. The Lord spoke to our hearts and filled us to the top with Him.

Apparently, I leak. 

The very next morning I am sitting in a place of doubt and ‘overwhelmedness’ (pretty sure that isn’t a word but you know what I mean!). This is the month we move – so much to do, so many hard things to walk through, so many people to say ‘good-bye’ to.

“Lord, I don’t think I can do it – I can’t see it from here. The house, the finances, the stuff – so much stuff, and the list, the neverending, forever-long list. How can it ever all come together??”

In all fairness, you need to know that I have a similar conversation with Him before EVERY SINGLE trip to Guatemala! That is the truth. 

However, I really feel like I am justified this time. I mean, seriously, how is the house going to work out?? Is that even possible? And finances? I am looking at my budget spreadsheet (yes, I have a budget spreadsheet, don’t judge me!) and watching the paychecks stop. They just stop – how am I going to feed my family for 3 years, Lord, without a paycheck? And the list of stuff to get done before we can leave. On top of all of that, my kids are struggling. How do I encourage them when I can’t see it myself? I am feeling so justified in my whining!!

Then I hear in my spirit:

“Seriously? (the sarcasm may be mine!)  Am I not the God of the universe? Are not all things possible with me? Am I not holding you and your family in the palm of My hand? You can’t ‘see’ it? Really? (again, not sure that God is sarcastic?!)”

Then His response to Job speaks to my spirit. I am reaching for my Bible so I can read it all for myself when I ask Don how he is doing.  Apparently, he is struggling with some of the same thoughts that I am.  Hmmmm . . . interesting.  I tell him that the Lord brought Job to mind and then proceed to read it outloud to both of us.

You probably know the story of Job. But here is my quick summary. Job lost everything that was important to him. God allowed it and then was quiet about it. Job mourned and grieved.  He cried out and questioned God, but the Lord remained silent through all of it.  Until the end and then He responded to Job.  Here is a little bit of the response from Job 38:

2 “Who is this that obscures my plans

    with words without knowledge?

3 Brace yourself like a man;

    I will question you,

    and you shall answer me.

4 “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?

    Tell me, if you understand.

5 Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!

    Who stretched a measuring line across it?

6 On what were its footings set,

    or who laid its cornerstone—

7 while the morning stars sang together

    and all the angels[a] shouted for joy?

34 “Can you raise your voice to the clouds

    and cover yourself with a flood of water?

35 Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?

    Do they report to you, ‘Here we are’?

And from Chapter 39:

1 Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?

    Do you watch when the doe bears her fawn?

2 Do you count the months till they bear?

    Do you know the time they give birth?

19 “Do you give the horse its strength

    or clothe its neck with a flowing mane?

20 Do you make it leap like a locust,

    striking terror with its proud snorting?

26 “Does the hawk take flight by your wisdom

    and spread its wings toward the south?

27 Does the eagle soar at your command

    and build its nest on high?

These are just small excerpts from long chapters of God questioning Job.  

Job's response in Chapter 40:

4 “I am unworthy—how can I reply to you?

    I put my hand over my mouth.

5 I spoke once, but I have no answer—

    twice, but I will say no more.”

Then the Lord continues to question Job through the rest of Chapter 40 and into 41. 

Job's response in Chapter 42:

2 “I know that you can do all things;

    no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

So I am crying at this point.  

I can't do this on my own strength.  I can't see the end. It looks absolutely impossible. 

But the Lord is glorified in the impossible. He is big enough and no purpose of His can be thwarted!

So. . . hello, January! The month where our next season begins. The month where the Lord's purposes for our family become reality. I pray that it is also the month where my faith increases and my trust in Him grows.  

Happy New Year!  May 2015 be the year where we all draw closer to Him!